Have you ever wondered why some kids are highly motivated? Why some kids keep blaming the external factors when they face any set back? Did you know that it depends on how we praise them? How do we bring up kids with Growth Mindset and help them stay motivated?
How the way we praise our children decides their motivation quotient in the future?
Aarav came back home with a huge smile on his face. “Mamma, See I got a star for answering the question in class”. Aarav’s mother hugged him and said “You are so intelligent”.
Ria jumped out of school bus holding a certificate and a medal. She rushed to her mother and told her “Mom , I came first in solo song”. Her mother stroked her hair and said, “see, this is all because of the practice which you have done for last two weeks”.
Can you see any difference in the way the both parents dealt with the happy news brought by their children?
In our efforts to develop self esteem and self worth in our children, we all praise our children when they get good grades, win a match, learn a piece in musical instrument etc. The question is how exactly we do that? How do we praise them? What difference does it make if we applaud for the child’s talent or his effort? That makes all the difference.
After few days, in Aarav’s class, when teacher asked a question to Aarav, he could not answer correctly. His friend gave the right answer and teacher gave him a star. Aarav felt really bad and was sobbing when he came back home. He felt weak and thought that after all he is not that intelligent. His parents had to do lots of efforts to cheer him up.
In Ria’s school, she participated in dance competition. When they announced results, Ria did not get any prize. Ria felt really bad and she wondered that she should have practised more. When she reached home, she told her mom that she thinks that she need more practise in dance before next competition.
By praising children for their talents like the way Aarav’s mom did, we create ‘fixed mindset’ in our children. Those children will give all credit for their victories to their talent which something which they are born with. On the flip side, if they fail in something, they admonish themselves for not being intelligent or talented enough. They think they are not in control of things and will not be motivated to put any effort. That is what we call fixed mindset.
On contrary, if we praise our children the way Ria’s mom did, when they are successful, they attribute their success to their effort. And if they fail, they would be willing to put more effort rather than before. They do believe that they can bring about the change by their own actions. Now that is ‘growth mindset’. They feel that they have control over their lives. And that is the key to stay motivated.
If our kids are brought up developing a fixed mindset, they will give up very easily in their life, whereas an individual with growth mindset will face any kind adversities in a positive manner. We do want to bring up our next generation to believe in their efforts and not just talent. So next time when you shower praises on your child, do it right!
About the author: Lt Col Bincy K Thomas (Retd) is the Co-founder and Director of Sakalya Wisdom Foundation, an organisation committed to design and offer meaningful educational services and activities. She is the Director of Sakalya Prep, The Holistic Preschool, Whitefield Bangalore. She is the Trainer and Pedagogy Expert in Sakalya Centre for Professional Development, training Centre for Teachers Professional Development, School Leaders Development Programs and Parenting Programs. She is researching into creating a dynamic holistic early childhood pedagogy. Presently She is pursuing Certificate in Early Education Leadership from Harvard Graduate School of Education, USA. Other areas of her interests are world mythologies, philosophy, social, emotional and spiritual development, leadership, gardening etc.
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